Conversion story written by Lilith

Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night and everything is dark? You wait for your eyes to adjust but the darkness is all encompassing. You’re blind as you try and navigate your way through the room you thought you knew well, but in the darkness you’re stumbling and tripping. This is how I felt for several years: stuck in a perpetual darkness, and even though I had an inkling about what lay ahead I still stumbled and fell. I had tried many churches before, mostly Protestant. Baptist, Pentecostal, Presbyterian, yet I was still in the blackness searching for that flicker in the dark. The darkness seemed to consume me after my second medical leave from work. For 22 weeks I stayed home and contemplated if there was hope for me. Eventually those 22 weeks turned to 23 weeks when I admitted myself to Erlanger Behavioral Health for 10 days.

Returning to work after that stay left me feeling unfulfilled. A great chasm had split open my chest that couldn’t be satiated by work anymore. The joy I had for my job leaked from me and my body felt too heavy, too exhausted, and I too ceased to be bright. I had become the darkness itself. I felt as though everything moved on without me, and it had because that’s how change works. It waits for no one. But the Heavenly Father had a plan for me, a plan I believed to be in motion since my first medical leave in 2023. I first heard of the missionaries being in our store through a complaint, though what I observed was two young men doing their studies and not bothering a single patron. I couldn’t understand how merely existing in our store could be a negative. And I know quite a bit about how people can resent you for merely existing.

Several days later they were still there, still studying, still completely devoted. I mentioned off handedly to someone about wanting to talk to them and my fellow coworkers warned me away. But, there in the darkness was a pinprick of light. So I followed after it. I approached the missionaries, the Elders, with nothing but genuine curiosity and a want to be filled up again, to be bright. They immediately accepted me and offered me a copy of the Book of Mormon at my request. That pinprick of light expanded as I carried around that little blue book. But Heavenly Father wasn’t done with me just yet. There would still be trials and tribulations that would test my growing faith which was as delicate as a freshly bloomed flower cradled in your palms.

I followed up with the Elders on the phone and that was where I met Sister Gubbay. I was in awe of her, a young woman who had grown up steadfast in her faith unlike me who turned my back on the Godhead and acted in ways I now regret. We planned to have dinner at her house and I prayed that afternoon for a sign that I was going down the right path. I hadn’t talked to the Heavenly Father in some years so I was wary and unconvinced he would respond. But I was blessed in my sleep with the peaceful visage of a young lamb nestled among clouds in a clear blue sky. I woke up resolute in my decision. When I told Sister and Brother Gubbay and the Elders about my dream they were stricken by the imagery which seemed to be taken from the Bible itself, from the Parable of the Lamb. For a wonderful moment I felt lightness in my heart as the darkness receded little by little.

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I confided in a few coworkers who were sincerely supportive of my decision to explore The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints unlike my family who was wary and disapproving. Despite that I attended my first service at our local ward. As I took my first Sacrament I felt light bloom all around me as the Holy Spirit touched my heart. I listened to the testimonies and was nearly brought to tears by the Brothers and Sisters speaking. Their testimonies were genuine and tenderhearted. I believe in that moment something changed fundamentally within me. I had been brought to a great precipice, not to blindly jump, but to watch the sky go aflame as the sun rose. The brightness was almost overwhelming after staggering around in the dark for so long.

That’s the thing about pain. Once it becomes all you know, it’s harder to heal because you fear falling all over again. At my first Relief Society meeting I was taught that when we stumble and fall we do not suffer alone, for Jesus Christ is with us through all things. That he’s merely refining us like silver, keeping a watchful eye over us and never leaving us to simply fend for ourselves. I met with the Elders to continue my lessons and each day as I learned more I felt my joy blossomed in the cavity in my chest and it slowly sealed itself shut. It’s a great blessing to me touched by the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 

But the more I learned, the more I studied, the closer I came to my baptism the harder things became. I reminded myself daily that Jesus Chirst was with me even as I struggled to accept some of the teachings. The Law of Chastity being the main one. As someone who has been out as a lesbian for over a decade it was hard to embrace the idea of never dating again, of losing that type of companionship. But I forgot an important part of my religious journey: community. I wanted a village around me and I had found that in my Brothers and Sisters at church. Even more than that, I had the Heavenly Father, his son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit.

I accepted then that even if I couldn’t date I would have people surrounding me who loved and cared about me and embraced me as I was. That was the gift of being a child of the Heavenly Father. Through this covenant I have found peace and purpose. I desire to be a help to queer adults who may be interested or curious about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints the same way I was. I wanted to be there to, not persuade them, but to offer my Testimony as proof that there is more for us if you manage to make it over that hurdle. It’s a tall one but it can be done. And if they decide they cannot make it over the hurdle that’s okay, because they will always have a friend in the church and they will always be loved by me and the Heavenly Father.

After many lessons from my Elders educating me on the Covenants, the Law of Chastity, and the Words of Wisdom, I was deemed ready for my baptism and the date was set. My baptism was something I avoided steadfastly growing up, never feeling good enough or worthy enough. But as I stood in the empty font while the Elders explained the steps of a baptism, I felt the Holy Spirit all around and I knew I was ready to take that crucial next step. I even invited my father, who was adamantly against the choice I was making. He took it in stride though, which I was grateful for the day of my baptism. I was baptised and received my confirmation on Easter Sunday, a day I will never forget. I started my day watching the sun burn off the morning mist from a lookout spot on a nearby mountain. It was a wonderful representation of what I would be doing later that day: rising anew.

At my baptism, I could feel the light all around me and I’m certain my small audience felt it as well. It was a powerful moment, it’s when I really felt my connection to the Godhead strengthen. As I was submerged under the water I was washed clean, and as I surfaced again I was confirmed by the church and reborn as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, a Mormon. This is my Testimony. I believe in the Restoration of the church through the work of the prophet Joseph Smith. I believe in the atonement of Jesus Christ who died for our sins. I believe in the Heavenly Father’s plan for us and that it is rooted in compassion and love. As I was baptized —and with the help of the scripture, the Elders, and church service— I was made bright again. This is the truth and I say this is the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Written by Lia

My conversion story is not the stereotypical conversion story most people probably think of. Missionaries did not come knock on my door some random day and ask to share a message or invite me to church. My interest in the church all started because of the reality TV show on Hulu The Secret Lives Of Mormon Wives. I was obsessed with watching that show. What started as something that I watched unseriously, became something that avalanched into a very serious part of my life. 

I was watching it so much, that I started having nightmares that I would go to an LDS church and be judged. So I decided that I would visit an LDS church, so that maybe if I have a good experience there, I’d stop having the nightmares.

I didnt think anything of it. I thought I would just go to church, hopefully have a good experience, and never return again. I was raised in the Methodist church, and Christians who are not LDS often have a negative view toward The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. That included myself. I thought the LDS church were not actually Christians. I told myself there was no way I’d ever become a member. But I’d go just as a “side quest.” 

I Googled “Mormon churches near me” because at the time I didn’t know to call it LDS. I found the website and applied to talk to the missionaries. Soon after Sister Jonsson and Sister Fraser called me. I was so nervous, but I didn’t want to waste their time, so I told them I would text them a list of questions I had for them. 

They were some heavy hitter questions. I asked them about the church’s stance on gay marriage and LGBTQ people, how many people they think will go to heaven (I had that opinion mixed up with Jehovahs Witnesses), and more. 

They said that they’d like to answer those questions in person, and I agreed. We set up a date and time to meet. I remember meeting them and relaxing. We had things in common, they were the same age as me, and they didn’t look like people who would judge me. They were “just a girl, just like me.” 

We talked about my questions, my doubts. I told them about The Secret Lives Of Mormon Wives and the video I’d been watching which explained some of the Church’s history and the Restoration, and how the person who made the video helped me to respect “Mormons” more. 

Even as they were meeting with me that first day, I still didn’t think I would become a member. I just wanted to visit the church for a day, and ask some missionaries some questions.  Because along with the fact I had a negative view of the LDS church at the time, I also had negative experiences with my church in the past, so I wasn’t currently a Christian. I didn’t go to church, but I did pray a lot and on occasion read my Bible. I had a complicated relationship with God. 

It all started when I was 13 and was sexually abused by my father. I became absolutely afraid of men. I couldn’t walk by a man or be near one without feeling intense anxiety and even flashbacks. I would constantly question why God would let this happen to me. I was mad at God. I was mad that I felt alone and abandoned. I stopped praying for years.

When I was 16, I tried going to a Presbyterian church, and for a few weeks, I even researched Judaism. I just wanted to feel at home in religion again. I wanted answers. I wanted to have a relationship with God again. I wanted to feel the safety and comfort I’d had leaning on him in my younger years. But nothing stuck. So I just prayed by myself, and read my Bible by myself, but it would constantly bring up feelings of being unsure whether or not God was really real. Whether i could really trust him. I was hurt and lost. 

So when I reached out to the missionaries, I thought it would feel the same way. I thought it would just be another church that wouldn’t make me feel at home. That wouldn’t feel true. But as I continued talking to them, getting rides with members of the Asheville Ward to sacrament meeting, and meeting the members of the ward that would later become mine, I realized that there was really something there for me. There was community, something I craved and did not have. There was kindness. There were imperfect people, not the stereotypical LDS members that are perfect and prim that I had heard about in the TV show. There were many people I admired and looked up to. And the more that I reflected on what I was being taught, and the more I read the Book of Mormon, the more I realized that it was true.

I’m not sure of a specific moment I realized it was true. I think I slowly started to piece everything together and to learn to trust it as time went on. I slowly started to realize that I would be okay if not drinking coffee and giving up other pleasures led to this beautiful life with these beautiful people, and all of the blessings it entailed. I was growing a closer relationship with God. Instead of saying “Dear God, please help me with *xyz*” and then immediately closing the prayer and going back to not believing, which is what I often did every night, I began to have long prayers, telling Him about my day, my doubts, my worries, even my successes. I would thank Him. I began to understand Him and in his role in my life. I began to heal from my abuse. I began to realize that I was comfortable with shaping a new life for myself, and that my old habits and identity weren’t me anymore. 

As the lessons with the sister missionaries continued, I finally wrote down a list of things I thought were required to do to be baptized into the church and become a member, and I sent it to the sister missionaries. Sensing the opportunity, they invited me to be baptized. I wasn’t sure at first, but after a few hours of thinking about it, I said yes. 

It’s been 4 months since I baptized. I was baptized January 23, 2026. Since then, my life has changed for the better. I have made so many new friends, who offer help when I need it. I often go to The Book Of Mormon, General Conference talks, the Sister Missionaries, or the Bible and Book of Mormon when things are worrying me or weighing me down, and I get answers every single time. 

I even have started forgiving my father, something i genuinely believed i would never do. 

People have said they can see a more confident, happy version of myself since I’ve joined the church. I am constantly sharing with my neighbors and trying to invite them to church. I even made an LDS Instagram account where I share my faith journey. Though I sometimes still struggle with craving old habits or identities, and i sometimes still have doubts, and it sometimes feels so hard to learn new things and adjust to a new faith and lifestyle, it has been the best thing for me. I know that the more that I trust God, pray, read my scriptures, and go to church things will get easier, and slowly, they do. I feel like i have a purpose now. 

Seven months ago, a psychiatrist asked me what I wanted to live for, and I said nothing, except for my baby cousin. Now I know that I have so much to live for, and that I am a worthy child of God who can do so many things. I now understand that Heavenly Father has a plan for me. I even have my patriarchal blessing to read when I feel discouraged. I wish that everyone could feel the joy and healing of joining this church. The church is undeniably true and I am so thankful for all the things that led me to it.

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